JERSEY’S SADDEST AND MOST INADEQUATE TROLL.
Read All About it!
Join me upon a hunt – a dangerous yet necessary digression into the sad hinterland of late-night, multi-IP, tragic loser, Billy No-mates trolling that has burgeoned in Jersey cyber-space; for on this quest we must enter a festering and pestilential swamp into which few decent people venture – but which has become the favoured habitat of a handful of inadequates who sit – one hand on the keyboard – whilst delivering to themselves a delusory sense of anonymous omnipotence – but in truth, possessing all the substance and appeal of some pixelated bog-creature from an obsolete computer game.
There are many strange beings to be found in this nocturnal midden. Such creatures have always been with us – but until they found the ideal habitat for their No-Life fantasy existences, one would have to seek them out in back-street pubs where they’d be found, alone, muttering to themselves and staring resentfully at women. And if not there – then they’d be tracked down to a backroom in a house – where they’d still be living with their mothers.
Whilst the curious adventurer can still find specimens in those more traditional habitats – these days, it’s into the void of the coruscating electron nothingness that we must go. Though the habitat itself is invisible – manifestations of it break into the real world – and can be spotted by the faintly lighted windows of tiny bed-sits or back-street flats that enshroud the 2.30 am apparitions – magicked into simulacrums of power and relevance by nine pints of Stella – and an invisible girl-friend.
But – troll-hunters – beware. To spot and catch your troll – you must use guile; for some, like vampires, can only operate at night. And others yet posses shape-shifting powers – and go abroad amongst us in daylight hours – cloaked in the appearance of a normal, functional human being. Great can be their craft at such disguises; but – being trolls – the camouflage they adopt for the real world can rarely withstand close probing and examination. For if you suspect a person you know is, in truth, a troll – you may quickly unmask them – should you be prepared to risk some close acquaintance. Draw them into speaking of their magnificence – converse with them about their friends in high-places – give them every opportunity to explain their brilliance – and especially ask them about the size of their computer.
Soon enough – the troll shall be uncloaked – and revealed in all it’s revolting, twisted, resentful isolation.
And in the flood-tide of flickering binary non-existence occupied by Jersey’s tribe of trolls – there sits one – more gross and poisonous than his fellows – the spiritual tribal leader of the island’s lonely, fantasising inadequates –
“Jason the Maverick” –
And a vast load of other avatars – too tedious for me to type.
Step forward – you sad, inadequate – formerly anonymous – clown –
That’s Jon Howarth – of Flat 1 – behind W.H. Smiths.
Jon Howarth who works – so he claims – for –
Baker Tilly Channel Islands –
“A leading chartered accountancy practice based in St Helier, Jersey.”
Trolls occupationally say things which are simply not true – but let us assume that he does work for this organisation.
Do his employers – I wonder – know that he engages in such activities as multi-IP trolling?
Of establishing fake Facebook identities – such as ‘Jason Roberts’ – which he then uses to lure people into giving him their electronic contact details.
That he uses his troll nerd-powers to track-down private IP addresses – and then threatens to expose other commenters and bloggers to their employers – if they’ve dared to express non-oligarchy opinions?
Do, I wonder, his employers recognise this for the form of blackmail and menace that it is?
Many of us real people use the realm of cyber-space. Some, like me, do so openly, rather than using a fake identity. Many others – for understandable reasons – keep their identities secret.
But what distinguishes Jon the Troll – like others of his kind – is that they spend their bitter, lonely nighthours trolling and flaming and defaming and wrecking forums – all the while doing so anonymously – and anonymously under 23 different avatars.
So – for all the lies, hatred, spin, vitriol, smears, blackmails, crazed obsessions, threats, defamations, obnoxiousness, intimidation, thuggery and manipulation he has inflicted upon dozens and dozens of other people – today The Quite Vile Blog has bravely tracked down this troll – across the electronic ether – to his rancid cave.
Where we can now observe him.
Contemplate his serious gambling habit.
Consider his weekend paralytic drunkenness.
Listen to his boasts of being real good friends with Phil Ozouf.
Reflect upon his unsurprising state of singleness – given his propensity to make drunken death-threats to those poor women who have the misfortune to encounter him, and then rapidly reject him.
Do – I wonder – the Police know of such conduct?
Oh well – they do now.
Just as, no doubt, do his employers.
Though trolls are not an endangered species – I don’t believe in harming dumb animals. But these strange creatures can be dangerous to people – in all kinds of ways.
So, occasionally – we must answer the call of duty; prepare ourselves for the hunt – and expose the trolls to the light. It can be difficult; it can be dangerous – but those of us who are Knights of the Jersey Chapter of Troll-Hunters shall always be ready to drive away such menaces whenever they emerge from their isolated swamps and intrude into the real world.
Eternal vigilance, my friends – and with a little patience and deduction – trolls can be hunted down and exposed.
Now that the troll JTM – or Jon Howarth – has been exposed, perhaps readers would like to finish off the job by sharing with us the rest of his known avatars?
And any other useful information?
And in the mean time – let us give some thought to the next troublesome troll.
The light shall always win.