Jersey Elections: A Users Manual:

Part 1

(Version 3:2 beta)

Congratulations on deciding to Use Democracy. You are now the proud owner of the right to vote, thus being able to contribute to the selection of a particular combination of individuals who will in-the-main, be the largely impotent collection of front-people and fall-guys for several established yet hidden power-blocs.  (For general description see Part 2) The remaining small minority of your preferred elected representatives will possess the meaningful power, which they will use to pursue their own interests and those of their friends, families and allies, with such interests, if you are in a fortunate tiny minority, coinciding with your own.

Although Using Elections appears to be a simple activity, unfortunately many users make basic and repeated mistakes through failing to study the instructions thoroughly. We therefore strongly recommend that you take time to read and study this Users’ Manual carefully. Whilst you may have already practised Using Elections on previous occasions, it is almost a certainty that you were disappointed by the results obtained.

Reading The Full Manual (RTFM) and making time for a little thought and reflection on the advice contained, will almost certainly greatly enhance your experience and enjoyment when Using Elections.

Contents of this Manual:

1: Health and Safety Guidance

2: Quick Start Guide

3: The Basic Components

4: Objectives

5: Operations

6: Troubleshooting

7: Warrantee

1: Health & Safety Guidance:

Like all activities that involve placing your trust in others, and having faith in people to  have a civilised and reasonable regard for your interests, Using Elections can be hazardous – bringing with it the potential for disappointment, unhappiness, financial loss,  harm to your family life, ill-health, chronic debilitating conditions, permanent injury and death. (Accidental, manslaughter or murder, depending on golf-club membership of causal agent coinciding with that of Attorney General / Coroner.)

No responsibility is accepted for any such loss, injury or death arising from Using Elections, as conditions of use and reliability of participants are all factors beyond the manufacturer’s control.

Warning: may contain nuts.

Make sure you understand local power supply.

When attempting to tap non-standard power supply, expect excessive resistance from established apparatus, shocks and malfunctions to a degree that may render Using Elections non-viable in respect of proportionate, democratic representation.

In particular – do not let original, core, power-supply – e.g., Crown, ECHR, ECtHR become detached from local power-supply. Failure to observe this precaution may result in deleterious effects as described in 1: Health and Safety Guidance, above –  and 2: Quick Start Guide, below.

Using Elections has been deemed safe in Jersey for those age 16 and over.

Keep Using Elections out of reach of children. Unfortunately, those under the age of 16 have been known to suffer unwanted and adverse effects as a consequence of exposure to the performance of the Elected, and the defects of the public apparatus under their control.  Such impacts may include neglect, incompetent teaching, cruelty, emotional abuse, violence, assault, physical and psychological injury, two-month periods of solitary confinement, outright battery, sexual molestation, rape, sodomy.

Adverse side-effects experienced by those over the age of 16 Using Elections have been observed to include financial abuse, blackmail, poverty, the demanding of money with menaces, repression – both to the individual and to family members – poor standards of public services, inability of oneself or friends or family to gain employment opportunities and/or promotions, repeated police harassment, sense of powerlessness and a faintly surreal feeling of living in a mafia-state, which only you seem to notice.

The latter side-effect may be particularly pronounced when Using Elections in Jersey, given the absence of party-politics and, consequently, the complete  free reign given to the Elected representatives selected as a result of Using Elections, to go and, basically, do whatever the hell they want – or are told to do by their real Bosses.

If you accidently consume more of Using Elections than you intended, or the product should get under your skin, drink copious amounts of alcohol, re-examine your preconceptions and consult your doctor.

Warning: In sever cases of over-exposure to Using Elections, the only effective treatment may involve fleeing the region.

2: Quick Start Guide

This Users Manual has been specially prepared for those Using Elections in the British Channel Island of Jersey.  (Version 3.2 Beta.) Whilst much of the basic information contained in this manual will be of universal application, for other regions please contact the manufacturer.  Although no responsibility is accepted for loss, injury or death arising as a consequence of Using Elections in any event, as regional and national circumstances and regulations will vary, the manufacturer herby warns that in certain regions, attempting to Use Elections may result in direct or indirect repression, kidnapping of family members, false imprisonment, malicious prosecutions, torture, mutilation, execution and the disposal of your remains in unmarked massed-graves. No responsibility is accepted by the manufacturer for any such consequence.

Warning: this Quick Start Guide is offered for convenience only. There is no substitute for Reading The Full Manual (RTFM).  Following the Quick Start Guide only will result in the customary outcome when Using Elections, i.e., a legislature unresponsive to your needs, meaningful power remaining with the customary covert power-blocs, increased taxation, a sensation of futility, dysthymia. 

Proceed as follows:

(a)  Insure inclusion on electoral role;

(b) Consider whether you possess a vague impression of the politics and qualities of the available candidates. (Important!)

(c)  On rare occasions, a candidate will positively match your hopes and expectations;

(d) More  commonly, certain candidates will appear less-bad than others;

(e)  Proceed to polling-station on election day and mark X alongside name selected after following steps (c ) and (d) above;

(f)   Place completed ballot-paper in ballot-box;

(g)    Go to work/ home/pub (as applicable) and begin process of psychologically preparing yourself for the next term of the legislature to exhibit the same inadequacies as the last term, regardless of the result of Using Elections.

3: The Basic Components

When un-packaging Using Elections, you should locate, and take time to familiarise yourself with the following components:

(a)    Power;

(b)    Understanding of real power;

(c)     The entities, factions and individuals who wield the said real power;

(d)    The different apparatus used to wield power;

(e)    Your own intellectual capacity;

(f)      Your own ethical standards;

(g)    Reliance you and your family have on the rest of society around you;

(h)    Short, medium and long-term perspectives;

(i)       Power-factions – both overt and covert;

(j)      “Law” enforcement apparatus;

(k)    Media;

(l)       Politicians;

(m) Election process;

(n)    Lessons of history.

Should any of components (a) to (n) be missing, Using Elections will only function in unreliable or unpredictable ways. (Although that may occur in any event, even with standard use of components.) However, some Users have proceeded without certain components. Obviously, with mixed results. As part of our efforts to ensure Using Elections continues to meet your high expectations, we are constantly seeking to improve the product. We therefore welcome all customer feed-back concerning their experiences of Using Elections. We are especially interested in any unusual and advantageous results obtained as a result of experimental operation. For example, some people have reported that Using Elections performed to a standard far in excess of their most optimistic expectations as a result of ignoring component (K) (Media) and compensating for the absence of that component with an additional section of component (E)(your own intellectual capacity).

Warning! Using Elections in novel or experimental ways – whilst bringing with it the possibility of greatly improved performance – also carries extreme risks. Inappropriate assembly of components – or omission of components (e), (f) and (n) – may lead to divided societies, hatred, militarised police forces, preponderance of moustaches, industrial genocide, world war.

No responsibility accepted by manufacturer.

4: Objectives

Note: an assumption has been adopted in writing this Users Manual.

That assumption is that you wish Using Elections to result in an effective and accountable government that will pursue a satisfactory balance between short, medium and long-term considerations and will do so in a manner that will address the interests of you and your family, and the interest of other people, thus causing a steady advancement in the overall happiness, stability and success of society.

Should you be indifferent to such objectives, no greater investment of time and effort is required than following the Quick Start Guide (see 2, above).  Alternatively all effort and inconvenience can be avoided entirely simply by not using Using Elections at all. Simply mail back unused product to manufacturer for full, no quibble re-fund of the investment you made. (See 7, below).

See Part 2 of –

 Jersey Elections: A Users Manual:

For the following sections:

5: Operations

6: Troubleshooting

7: Warrantee

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