From a Secret Address

Somewhere in London.

“Beware of him that is slow to anger; for when it is long coming, it is the stronger when it comes, and the longer kept. Abused patience turns to fury.”

Francis Quarles

You know, I’ve often been told by Jersey oligarchy politicos – and their various users, aspirants, puppet-masters, assorted blackmailers and frightfully misguided supporters – that I was no bloody use as a politician.

And you know what? I’m beginning to think they must be right.

I mean, I’ve been away from the island for only a few days – and in my absence there has been a truly miraculous transformation in the efficiency of the States assembly and its ability to formulate and produce new legislation.

Just consider – when I flew to London on Monday, Jersey had in place the Human Rights (Jersey) Law 2000.

Yet the island’s legislature had it repealed by Wednesday lunchtime.

Impressive, no?

But this dramatic acceleration of legislative activity just amplified as the day went on.

By Wednesday afternoon – it had suddenly become a criminal offence – not to turn up to – a court hearing – one didn’t have to turn up to.

I wonder if this innovative new legislation has – on Thursday, perhaps – been extended beyond the “judicial” environment.

Perhaps your elected representatives will now be subject to arrest warrants – should they not turn-up to the latest time-wasting, brain-rotting PowerPoint presentation?

It can, surely, only be a matter of time – Monday afternoon, perhaps – before the newly efficient and lightning fast States has expanded this new law to encompass members of the public?

For example – imagine just how much easier it will be for the oligarchy if – next time they issue an “invitation” to members of the public to attend the latest propagandising, opinion-management exercise – err – sorry, “participative public consultation” – and you don’t turn up, they can simply order your arrest?

After all, these manufacturing-consent exercises are expensive – and those oligarchy policies aren’t going to gain spurious credibility on their own, you know!

But the States have not confined their new-found vigour to only repealing the human rights law, and making it a criminal offence to not turn up to events you didn’t have to turn up to.

Oh no.

Did you know – it’s now a serious criminal offence to write sarcastic e-mails to a lawyer?

I suppose, now one thinks about it, it’s hardly surprising that the States enacted this new legislation on Wednesday morning – just as soon as this hitherto horrifying lacuna in the island’s laws had been recognised.

On Wednesday afternoon, the court was held, rapt, as Advocate Baker bravely lifted the e-mail from the bench, and, calling upon all his fortitude acquired over years of legal practice, began to read the toxic document. He had had to be locked in cells when meeting with his killer and drug-gangster client Curtis Warren – but even that could not approach the sheer terror and emotional damage Advocate Baker had to confront in reading the e-mail I had sent him.

The court sat in horrified silence – members of the public, and even hardened hacks, scarcely able to comprehend that a human being could be capable of such evil.

Imagine the public outrage – protests on the streets, no doubt – had Advocate Baker had to have stood in court – having suffered this atrocity – and there had been no law to shelter him from such violation?

And he’s only earned £500,000 from this case, so far. Had the States not introduced this new legislation, I’m sure public sympathy would have enabled Advocate Baker to raise the next two million from donations alone, without having to wait until his bill is settled by grateful taxpayers.

Let no one say again that the States of Jersey are slow to produce laws when a pressing public need becomes apparent.

It was obviously me – who had been holding them back all these years.

I used to sit before the laptop screen – and try to marshal the salient events of the last two years and six months into some kind of narrative – but I would be halted by the thought, “nah – that can’t be real; that can’t have happened. I’ll wake up tomorrow – in a respectable, democratic society – and realise it was all a tortuous dream – brought about by the Roquefort and Gorgonzola crepe I ate the night before.”

But no – events that would challenge the combined imaginative skill of Samuel Becket and Franz Kafka didn’t dissolve with the dawn light.

Instead, I realised that, yes, I did have to prepare for another court hearing – with a judge who is entirely happy and unconcerned at the fact the prosecution has – in the name of the Crown – committed at least – at least – three straightforward acts of demonstrable perjury.

So if what has taken place isn’t a dream – what other explanation?

Well – I could be totally in the wrong.

Perhaps it is normal for opposition politicians to get arrested at their home by a squad of ten cops – for trying to hold the executive to account – and then get locked in a police cell for seven-and-a-half hours – whilst the “under new management” officers then ransack the home from top to bottom – searching everything – without a search warrant?

What if that is, indeed, a more appropriate use of police resources – than investigating, arresting and searching the home and bank-accounts of the bribe-taking States member – against whom they know of comprehensive evidence – and willing witnesses?

Maybe it is standard practice for multi-millionaire drug dealers to have legal aid funded by tax-payers – yet, on the other hand, to spend millions of pounds of tax-payers money on the oppression of a dissident politician – and deny him effective legal representation – just to be on the safe side?

It really could be so – that it is the job of judges simply to do whatever they’re told by the prosecution lawyer – and whoever it is that mysteriously awaits in the judge’s chamber – to “advise” them during the multitude of otherwise inexplicable and mystifying “adjournments”?

I see now that we can safely assume from the vastly improved performance of the States of Jersey, that I just didn’t understand things – and had become deluded by paranoia of such a degree it was preventing me from grasping reality.

But – on the other hand, if it were paranoia – it would only be happening to me, surely?

I would be living in my own little bubble of unreality – alone – whilst no other person experienced such things.

There would be no Simon Bellwood.

There would be no John Day.

There would be no Graham Power.

And dozens of others like them in Jersey – who have incurred the wrath of “The Firm”?

The case of Graham Power is quite topical, now I come to think of it.

Mr. Power is the Chief Constable of the States of Jersey Police Force.

In what was plainly a pre-planned – and unlawful – manoeuvre, worked-up by the core Jersey oligarchs – Graham was – without warning – suspended; he was not afforded proper due process; no remotely credible reason was given; to this day no faintly plausible grounds have been established to justify such extreme action; and he, too, has been subjected to a negative campaign of spin by the oligarchy.

In fact, the action against Graham Power serves very well as an illustration of “The Firm” at work.

Graham is the head of a Police Force that was conducting an extensive investigation into long-term corporate and institutional criminality – committed against children – by a large organisation – the States of Jersey.

In scenes that could only happen in Jersey, he was suspended from his post – with zero warning – by the then Home Affairs Minister, and the States Chief Executive.

Just think about that:

You have a very powerful and established organisation, which has been engaging in very seriously criminal activities for decades. After all those decades, you finally – accidentally, perhaps – get leadership of the Police Force of sufficient integrity, professionalism and bravery to investigate and tackle that long catalogue of shameful lawlessness.

But, it just so happens – that the organisation in question employs the police leaders; the men who are causing all this immense difficulty for ‘The Firm’.

So, in one easy step – ‘The Firm” rids itself of this troublesome criminal investigation – by getting a member of the board of directors (read Home Affairs Minister) and the ‘company’s’ Chief Executive (read Chief Executive to the cabinet ) to just go – and sack the boss of the Police.

The Chief Executive then destroys the contemporaneous notes of the unscheduled suspension meeting – and there you go!


Problem solved!


You see – if only the Mafia studied “The Jersey Way”, there’d be no need for all those assassinations. You godda a problem with the Police? Just make sure you employ them. Then you’d be able to terminate their contract in the literal – as opposed to the metaphorical – sense, just like the Jersey Bosses.

And – if you’re the Jersey Bosses – it doesn’t even matter that you’ve grossly breached the Police Chief’s contract – because, why – you own the courts, too!

And it doesn’t even matter that your suspension of the Police Chief was – plainly – a criminal act – a conspiracy to pervert the course of justice – why, because the chief prosecutor is a member of ‘the board’ – and advised you on the illegal suspension in the first place!

But – here things begin to get a little difficult – and show that “The Firm” may well have had an Enron-quality board. You see – it wouldn’t have even mattered – previously – that evidence in your possession shows the Police Chief’s suspension to have been a pre-planned, criminal act – because you wouldn’t have had to disclose that evidence.

However – terribly problematically – because of the suspended Police Chief’s tenacity and ability – you’ve been required to disclose to him the binary data from “The Firm’s” computers – which shows that the supposedly contemporaneous letters informing him of what was, allegedly, an emergency suspension – had, in fact, been worked on for weeks before – thus proving the exercise was pre-planned all along.

Which is why I hope – I really do – that the States of Jersey haven’t overreached themselves in embracing the new, amazingly fast approach to devising and introducing fresh legislation – like they must have done last week.

Because if they have – well – it could all end in tears, couldn’t it?

Just as what appeared to be a simple and easy solution to their problem of being an organisation under serious criminal investigation – suspending the Police Chief – has proven to be a potentially terminal exercise in hubristic overreach.

Our oligarchy thought – as they often do, bless – they’d be “clever” – and define the electronic evidence sought by the Police Chief as “not existing in the form of information” – because “no one has looked at it” – a bit like Schrödinger’s cat.

Information in the form of a fuzzy super-symmetry that would only have its wave-function collapsed into particle-like existence – if you looked at it.

And who would be foolish enough to do that?

You see how advanced “The Jersey Firm” thought they were? They didn’t need tired old methods, like ‘sweeping dirt under the carpet’.

They thought they’d discovered the quantum cover-up.


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