A COVERT MESSAGE
SNEAKED OUT TO THE FREE WORLD.
(Nah – only kidding.)
Really sorry, dear readers, for the silence on these pages; I’ve been cuffed n’ stuffed by the forces of darkness – and have had to spend days undergoing interrogation, sensory deprivation, psychological torture and water boarding. OK – I made that last one up – but it oh so easily could come to pass.
So many worried people have left comments, sent me e-mails and left telephone messages – asking, ‘are you OK, Stuart? Have they had you in the slammer? Have they threatened you into silence?’
Oh so many people – with a disturbingly accurate take on the true nature of power in Jersey.
Since I last blogged – it seems like years ago – I’ve been put through the ringer – and no mistake.
Cross-examination, duplicitous interrogation, deliberately misleading information fed to me, cross and double-cross, scheming, plots and dummy moves – all designed to sow the seeds of confusion, doubt and chaos.
Actually – it was the build-up to the States assembly electing the Ministers who will form the cabinet for the next three years.
But look – it felt like torture, OK?
Phone calls from politicians X & Y & Z – saying they were – then were not – then were again – and then not again – seeking this – or that position. Or they were supporting A or B politician – but only if they were offered an Assistant Minister post by said individuals – but even then intended to secretly vote for someone else.
Day – and night. Changing from hour to hour – just when you thought you were orientated – when they had lulled you into a false sense of security – suddenly everyone’s’ position would shift again; is it day? Is it night? Who do I trust? Everyone? No one? When will it all end?
This psychological torture culminated today – in me having to undergo the appalling ordeal of being a candidate for the position of Home Affairs Minister – with an hour and a half’s notice so my lunch time was spent vaguely trying to think of something moderately cogent to say in my speech, and in answer to the questions.
I pleaded with several other States members to challenge for the post – but after all kinds of wrangling and horse-trading – suddenly – there was no one to challenge Ian Le Marquand.
So faced with the prospect of him becoming Home Affairs Minister – with his appalling attitude to jailing children – and just walking into the position without challenge – I had no choice other than to oppose him.
Actually, to my astonishment, I got 18 votes out of the 53 – having predicted I’d get 8 votes. When contesting these positions, each candidate makes their opening 10 minute speech, and is then questioned for 20 minutes – whilst your opponents wait in a room in the precincts, where they can’t hear what you’ve said; this to avoid an unfair advantage to those who are last to make their pitch.
I didn’t hear, therefore, any of Senator Le Marquand’s speech or his answers – but I’m informed by other members and many of the listening public, that his performance was extraordinarily lame.
I’ll have to check out Hansard once it’s published.
So – there you go.
I could, hypothetically, have suddenly become the politician responsible for policing and law enforcement.
As I said in my introductory speech – when I’m arrested for the – supposed and alleged – breaches of the Official Secrets Act – or whatever the nonsense is – I promise I won’t issues a Ministerial order to let me go.
No – I would just have got one of my esteemed colleagues to go and have private, secret meeting with Attorney General Bill Bailhache – and bingo! I’d be free!
Err – well, maybe not – in my particular case.
But you get the idea.
I have to say, It’s very touching to get so many messages – enquiring after my welfare – and asking me to hurry up and write some more of “this vile blog” (c. Frank Walker).
But contrary to the oligarchy propaganda – generating these effusions is something I only do in spare time. And as explained – things have been somewhat chaotic and demanding this last week or so.
So thanks for your support – and don’t worry about me. I’ll only be silenced when the Jersey oligarchy have me sleeping with the fishes.
Which could be tomorrow night.